A Rule of Life That Prioritizes Joy
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer, and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1—2
There’s a lot being written these days about creating a rule of life. This often goes hand in hand with the “slow down” messages that ubiquitously quote Dallas Willard advising us to “ruthlessly eliminate hurry” from our lives. In our fast-paced, success-obsessed, must-be-entertained-every-waking-moment culture, our bodies and spirits are crying out “enough!” We know the pace is not healthy and are fascinated by those who have found freedom from it, but honestly, we also kind of like it. It is our norm and we are used to it. We don’t want to miss out. What if we don’t know every interesting thing that there is to know? Or do every important thing there is to do? Our habits and addictions are not easily broken.
That’s why the rule of life concept, with its offer of hard-won relief for the desperately harried Christian, has resurfaced lately. But the idea is nothing new. The desert fathers started it back in the 3rd century. They too were striving to escape from a culture that reduced Christianity to a mere commodity and threatened to drown out everything that mattered to them. They went to great lengths to gain their freedom, preferring fierce self-denial in desert caves to the sticky, sweet falseness that had cloyed their appetites in the cities.
St. Benedict, one such disenchanted seeker, was perhaps the most famous “rule” maker. His plan enabled communities of fellow monks to share rhythms and habits that kept them united in faith and purpose in their daily lives. In his 6th-century context, Benedict’s rule provided direction for work and prayer (setting aside seven times a day for prayer!), as well as guidance on how to speak, eat, and structure authority. It was immensely practical, promoting discipline and accountability for the purpose of spiritual growth. His rule is still followed in some fashion in many monasteries and has inspired many Christians to create their own version with similar goals—living with intention, making space for God, and translating their faith into a long, obedient practice. Sometimes communities commit to following a rule of life together. More often, individual Christians are trying to figure out how to reorient life patterns in their own contexts.
Rule of life suggestions by writers like John Ortberg, Steve Macchia, Justin Earley, and John Mark Comer emphasize things like getting control of our use of technology, making sure to get enough rest, and practicing hospitality, silence, and saying “no.” The specific problems we seek to address today might feel quite different from St. Benedict’s, but the point is the same—to become free and joyful, to become Christ-like. Isn’t that worth setting aside every weight that would hold us back? If we are lagging in our desire to “seek first the kingdom of God” (Matt 6:3), we must start noticing why. Choosing to live in an intentional way in order to pursue the deepest desires of our heart—essentially creating a rule of life—starts with noticing the reality of our current situation.
I’ve taken a rule of life model from perhaps an unlikely source. I think that “throwing off everything that hinders” in order to fix our eyes on Jesus is kind of like de-cluttering. And who doesn’t need a good de-clutter these days? Marie Kondo's book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up hit American maximalism by storm in 2014. Many Americans were fed up with their massive accumulation of empty promises, filling every closet, drawer, and countertop of their super-sized homes. My husband and I eagerly jumped on the bandwagon. “Enough!” we cried. And with glee, we loaded up our cars with trash bags full of donatable items and lined up outside of Goodwill, hoping that someone would want to adopt the treasures that we felt too guilty to simply throw away. We were looking for that blessed simplicity of only owning those items that “spark joy.” How we delighted to rediscover that forgotten doo-dad that was buried in the back of an overstuffed closet for who knows how long. Oh yes, that one was a keeper.
Decluttering is so worth the effort it takes—and is so unexpectedly, dare I say, sacramental. In the physical act of paying attention to and dealing with our mis-attachment to things, we can learn something about ourselves and how we relate to God in all of our choices and unnoticed habits. Our embodied behavior reflects and informs our spiritual reality. Tending to clutter in our physical spaces will often spill over into the rest of our lives—our bodies, our finances, our time commitments, and our relationships, especially— hopefully—our relationship with God. The practice of paying attention and responding with loving intention is ultimately the root of all healthy relationships.
As we consider creating our own rule of life we can choose categories like time, finances, ministry, relationships, body care, and soul care, and then one at a time, bring the category before God in prayer. We look at how we currently use our time, for example, and ruthlessly examine our choices, asking God to help us discern what is degrading us, distracting us, or distancing us from our heart’s true joy. If guilt and fear show up, we deal with them too—mentally bagging them up for the trash pile. We choose to keep the things that seem right, good, beautiful, and true, and find space for them. This is work—maybe even hard work. But the alternative is continuing to unleash an avalanche on our heads every time we need to get something from the closet.
A signature concept in Marie Kondo’s method is only to keep or bring in new items that “spark joy.” So often we’ve managed to collect piles of things that we don’t even like looking at and ask ourselves where it all came from! How many of us have a closet full of clothes we never wear because we don’t like how we feel when we wear them? Imagine a closet that only contains clothes that you enjoy wearing. So what if it’s only two outfits! We don’t get rid of the ill-fitting clothes sometimes because “we paid good money for them” or “maybe they will fit me one day”—but in so saying, we choose to gaze upon regret and disappointment rather than joy every time we open the door. In the same way, continuing to engage in activities that we feel trapped in or obligated to rather than what God has prepared especially for us to do, is a way of burying our best treasures in a closet stuffed full of unusable clutter. When Jesus set his intention on the cross, he scorned shame “for the joy set before him” (Heb 12:2). He is our model—the pioneer.
The main difference between a rule of life and a list of self-help resolutions is “the why” that drives them. We are not trying to become more awesome. We are pursuing God, noticing and aligning ourselves with the work He wants to do in us and in the world around us. He—not our rule of life—is the life-changing magic! We engage in practices and rhythms that open our eyes to beauty and joy. Instead of our nightly time-sucking, Netflix binge, maybe a walk to the park to watch the sunset would feed our souls better. Instead of shopping or eating when feeling stressed, maybe we settle in for a coffee with a soul friend. Instead of working non-stop at the office, perhaps we schedule 10 minutes at lunchtime to sit with the Father and remember what we’re working for. We consider daily, weekly, and even annual rhythms. God can help us discern the subtleties.
Following a communal rule of life can be especially rich, providing companionship and encouragement in our quest. This doesn’t have to be Benedictine. A family’s commitment to Sabbath-keeping or a small group’s commitment to weekly hospitality and service are examples. Ministry teams might commit to regular times of prayer. In fact, a group of believers committed to gathering every Sunday for worship shares a rule of life. It’s not always as much about what the rules actually are as about the sharing of them. We agree for the sake of loving, peaceful communion with one another that we will do this together.
Much of this we have been doing without even knowing we are doing it. These are the beautiful things that we keep space for. We don’t even have to call it a rule of life. But taking the time to notice the rules that we already live by, evaluating their worth, and choosing what is worth keeping, what to clear out, and what to make room for, might be one of the greatest, tidying-up genius things we can do. Jesus once famously exhorted a harried Martha, “You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41—42). Few things are needed—or indeed only one! Pray we don’t miss it.
Resources for further exploration:
Wisdom Distilled from the Daily: Living the Rule of St. Benedict Today by Joan Chittister
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer
The Common Rule by Justin Earley
At Home in the World: A Rule of Life for the Rest of Us by Margaret Guenther
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo
Crafting a Rule of Life: An Invitation to the Well-Ordered Way by Stephen A. Macchia
Thrive: Life-Giving Disciplines for a Chaotic World by Markene Meyer
The Life You Always Wanted by John Ortberg
A Mother's Rule of Life: How to Bring Order to Your Home and Peace to Your Soul by Holly Pierlot
You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit by James K. A. Smith
St. Benedict's Toolbox: The Nuts and Bolts of Everyday Benedictine Living by Jane Tomaine
The Artist's Rule: Nurturing Your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom by Christine Valters Paintner
