Can Spiritual Direction Help with Learning to Abide?
Julia Elizabeth Tolbert. Untitled. Not Dated.
Several years ago, I began noticing how one-sided many of my relationships were. I was predominantly interested in myself: my story, my problems, my hurts, my self-protection, and how I was perceived by everyone. This applied both to my relationships with the people that I loved (or perhaps those I wanted to love), as well as my relationship with God. Evangelicals emphasize a personal relationship with Jesus, so I learned that because of Jesus’ sacrifice, I could share all of my prayers with God directly and He would listen. I have no doubt that He did. He never seemed to grow tired of my litany of expressed thoughts, praises, complaints, and requests. But I was growing discontent with this kind of prayer. I desired something deeper and more intimate, something more like “abiding.” I grew thirsty. I wanted to be ”like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.” (Jeremiah 17:8, NLT) In an act of repentance, I asked God to please help me love Him better. I wanted Him to start by helping me become a better listener. He has been faithfully answering that prayer, but it has been a slow learning.
A major hang-up for me was growing up in a faith tradition in which “hearing from God” was sometimes used as a tool to dominate or manipulate others. Although I believed that God does speak, I was suspicious of people who claimed, “God told me . . ..” How does one argue with someone who has their directions straight from the Almighty One Himself? I learned to doubt that these assertions were authentic. But what about me? Would I be deceived by my own wishful thinking? How would I know how to differentiate His voice from my own… or Satan’s? This became a part of my prayer. Lord, please help me to overcome this block in our relationship. Help me to know Your voice. I want to know You!
After several years of taking baby steps in learning to become quiet enough to listen, I discovered Spiritual Direction. Wondering what my next vocational steps should be, my pastor recommended I meet with a spiritual director for a few months and spend time in deep listening for the Lord’s leading. I had hoped for a quick yes or no, but I was desperate enough that I began meeting with Claire on Zoom once a month. I thought she would help me to figure out if I should go back to school or not. I thought she would give me “direction!” Instead, she directed my attention to the still, small voice that wasn’t as obsessed with my life decisions as about connecting to my heart. I discovered that I had so much more to learn about listening!
What is a spiritual director? Good question. I didn’t know either. Trust me, it’s not as bossy as it sounds. It is a bit of a misleading title, but there is general consensus on keeping it. Spiritual direction has a long history in the Christian church, most often associated with the clergy, the monastics, or the desert fathers. But there have always been Christians coming alongside others in this particular way. C.S. Lewis, for example, met with his spiritual director, Father Adams, for nearly three decades. He believed that his rising fame would ruin him without this weekly rhythm that included continual confession and reorientation of his perspective. Although many of us have had spiritual mentors or guides in an unofficial capacity, the kind of spiritual director that we are talking about here is a dedicated spiritual companion who provides space for us to attend to God’s voice together. The director invites us to share about our prayer lives, our scripture readings, our struggles, and our joys. They help us become more attentive to the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
I was surprised by how much more attentive I became when I sat with Claire. She welcomed me with her non-anxious, non-judgmental presence. We always lit a candle to remind us that Jesus was also there. As I talked with her about my life, she listened reflectively, often guiding me to consider where the Holy Spirit was present. She rarely advised, but simply noticed. She sometimes led me through a slow reading of Scripture in Lectio Divina fashion. Sometimes, we just sat in listening silence. I grew more comfortable with the quiet. At first, I was skeptical that I would hear anything, but I soon realized that God was plenty eager to reveal Himself to me. He really does love us! I learned to bring a box of tissues with me. And then, after several months of practicing this rhythm, I noticed that my times of prayer apart from spiritual direction sessions were changing as well. I still told God whatever was on my mind, but I was learning when to be still and allow God to speak. I now know that He likely does have something that He wants me to hear or do if I will just give Him the chance. Sometimes His response has been nothing like what I was expecting. Sometimes it doesn’t even seem to have anything to do with what I was just praying about! But I know it came from Him.
Anonymous. Directing the Wanderer in the Right Way. 1921
Claire never answered my question about whether I should go to graduate school or not. However, after a few months, I felt that sitting with people the way that Claire sat with me would be the greatest gift that I could give to anyone: a gift of holy listening. I wanted to listen like she did. I have since embarked on my own spiritual direction training through Selah, a program from Leadership Transfomations, Inc., as part of its first Anglican cohort. I have experienced the deep joy of sitting with fellow pilgrims who also desire to hear God’s voice. I never anticipated that when I first met with Claire.
As I have been growing in my ability to listen, I have also been learning what it means to abide. 1 John 4:13 says, “By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.” At least part of abiding involves noticing his Spirit working in us! Church of the Lamb’s mission is “To abide as disciples of Christ: invited to rest & compelled to love.” Learning to love out of rest begins with abiding in Christ. Many of us, even lifelong Christians like me, have no idea what that means or where to start. I believe it starts with quieting our souls and listening to what He is saying to us right now, willing, of course, to receive or do whatever He says. In this busy, noisy culture, we often don’t know how to notice His presence with us. However, I am certain that if Jesus is calling us to abide in Him (He is) and if He has something He wants to say to us (He does), He will most certainly answer us when we ask Him for help. He desires intimacy with us. He will make it happen. For our part, we start by paying attention to Him.
We can certainly grow in our ability to listen to God without the help of a spiritual director. But more people these days are recognizing the benefit of this kind of companionship in our faith journeys. Not all spiritual directors are Christians, and not all of them practice in the same way that Claire does, so anyone feeling drawn to seek out a director should ask good questions upfront. Selah’s list of directors is a good, safe place to start. A spiritual director does not replace the Holy Spirit and does not speak for Jesus. But they can walk with us down to the riverbank, help us put our tired, dusty feet in the water, and remind us what our thirst is for.
